Finding a New Normal in Motherhood

Confession: my baby is 8 months old today and I am nowhere closer to finding a normal routine for balancing being the primary caregiving parent with being a working artist than I was the day he was born.

Before my son was born, my husband and I decided that the best financial decision for us was for me to be the primary "stay at home" parent for the first 18 months to 2 years of our baby's life, working part time, and then we would slowly shift the balance back to me working full time as preschool and elementary school options become available.

Like many pre-parenthood opinions, I naively thought I could easily fit in my art practice and other business ventures while my son napped or played independently. I would take "maternity leave" (not a real thing when you're self-employed, but I planned to take a few months off), and then get back to it in time to create a holiday collection. Certainly, I could squeeze in a few hours a day while being a stay at home mom as well, right? You see SAHM side hustle and WFH mom social media videos all the time. They make it work, surely I can as well. 

Reality Set In

As my son came out of newbornhood and as a family we began to find routines and schedules that worked for us, I quickly discovered that my idealistic, "you can have it all" vision of babywearing while painting and creating content while my baby napped and managing the 8,000 other business admin tasks while my son played sweetly on his own did not leave room for washing bottles, doing laundry constantly, pumping, washing pump parts, cleaning every surface all of the time because everything gets gnawed on, putting away toys and burp cloths and clean laundry, "Velcro baby" days, healing from a traumatic birth and c-section, infant reflux, postpartum anxiety, both of us wanting contact naps and on and on and on. 

Some days, I flat out did not care about working. I was consumed with motherhood and obsessed with keeping my baby safe (from real and not real dangers, thanks to PPA), making sure he hit his milestones, and providing an environment he could thrive in. I adore my time with my son and am so grateful I have the option of having him home with me. 

Other days, I have an existential crisis about being "just a mom." What happened to the woman who was inspired by new places and constantly coming up with new ideas? Who is this person who barely leaves the house? Will I ever be "me" again? Is it worth it to hire childcare or beg family for help? Will I miss him too muc

Searching for Normal

If I'm being honest, I'm still in that seesaw of "who am I?" but as we are firmly into a new year and I can already see my baby's face and interests shifting from infancy to toddlerhood, I am actively choosing to shift into my next chapter, too. 

What will my new normal look like? Right now, I'm really not sure. I am more realistic with my goals now at 8 months postpartum than I was a year ago at 5ish months pregnant but I'm still not entirely sure what it will look like. I do know what I want to try, however. Will you join me? 

Ins & Outs for 2025

To start this journey of finding my new normal in motherhood, I sat down with a piece of paper to get some clarity on what it is I want in my new normal. And what I want to shed and no longer carry into my next chapter. I may be a little late to the game, but that list led me to my "Ins and Outs" list for this year:

In:

1. Consistency

2. Thrifting/Antiquing

3. Embracing a slower pace

Out:

1. Reactivity

2. Overconsumption

3. Productivity Guilt

That's it. 3 things to do, 3 to let go of. That feels do-able, right? Do-able sounds really, really good right now. 

Consistency Over Reactivity

Much of what has led me to feeling this sense of barely treading water is that I have been making decisions and plans in a reactive way for far too long. I have been patching problems with band-aids and duct tape instead of taking the time to research, reflect, and put together a plan that is actually sustainable in my new daily life. 

It is hard to show up consistently in my art practice and creative work if I don't have the peaceful space to feel inspired and motivated. It is hard to show up at all if you are constantly mired in the day-to-day messes. 

My goal here is twofold: clear out the clutter (literally and figuratively) to find the mental space to show up and do so in a way I can maintain (even if that looks like less than my pre-motherhood days).

Thrifting & Antiquing Over Overconsumption 

I have always been a shopper. It's my go-to source for a dopamine hit. Not the healthiest habit, not the worst. But certainly not one I want to pass on to my son. If I'm going for peace and confidence in my new normal (which I am), then the dopamine needs to come from within. 

In a less woo-woo, more realistic sense, the sheer amount if stuff that comes with having a baby is unbelievable. I can only imagine my space being cluttered is adding to my brain clutter. 

As I watch my 90s and early 2000s childhood and teen trends come back around again, I want to save and store items that are good quality and shed what isn't worth holding on to. 

When I do need or want things, I plan to start with what already exists and hunt down options at thrift and antique stores or find secondhand. For example, I came across a TikTok showcasing a homemade ribbon chain garland that I thought would be adorable for my son's first birthday. Instead of immediately ordering new ribbon and fabric, I am going to hit the thrift to find fabrics and ribbons that fit the party vibe! 

As you can guess by my antique frame pieces, I love a good antique hunt! This won't change going forward and I can't wait to get back to something I love with my new little buddy this summer! I'm already game planning bringing him with me to explore Brimfield. 

Embracing a Slower Space Over Productivity Guilt

This is likely to be the toughest one on the list. As an eldest daughter millennial raised to believe that if you work hard, you will succeed, believing that a day that ends with everyone still in possession of their limbs was a successful day is neigh on impossible. While my fully-formed frontal cortex knows a day spent parenting and keeping our household in order without a sales goal met is, in fact, a successful day, believing it is a harder sell. 

When I sat down with that blank piece of paper, the image I had in mind was a day spent with a slow morning with my son, peaceful studio time, time spent learning a new hobby (gardening?) with my little buddy, setting up an activity for my sidekick while I manage my website or print shop, and bringing him along to get all the household tasks done in a space that feels organized and lovingly decorated. 

Keeping that image in mind will center what I say yes to and what I say no to going forward.

Taking The First Step

While I don't have a major game plan in mind for enacting these changes in my life or how I plan to find my new normal, exactly, I do know that it starts with a clean slate mentally and physically. 

The mentally clean state is here. Hi. Welcome to my brain. Knowing where I want to get to feels like a great first step. 

The physically part looks like a clean out. In the coming weeks, I will be cleaning out my home and my studio. Stay tuned for more on that score! 

Thanks for Listening

I (nervously) share all of this in case you might be feeling the same way. Whether you're a fellow new mom or in the midst of some other type of new chapter in your life, I want you to know you aren't alone. 

Every time someone asks, "so how's work?" or "Have you had much time to paint?" I feel guilty. Because I don't have an answer that doesn't make me feel lazy or like I am the only mother on the planet who didn't have her shit together by 8 months postpartum. 

I share this because I can't possibly be the only one feeling this way (right?). If you're out there, too, wondering what your new normal will look like and how you'll find it, I hope you'll join me. We can find it together.